9 Jul 2009
What do you do when you're hopelessly outclassed? When the very meaning of existence is not a matter of when or how, but measured by the few short seconds to the countdown of termination?
I was ready, and willing to die for a woman that I Loved, that did not love me in return. A fool I was to rush into the storm, thinking that I could brave it. But there for a moment of existence, I believed that love was real. It was a truth that drove deep into my soul the desire to live free and remove my soul from the bondage of gods. I admit that in my own delusion, a fantasy created, that whenever she said, 'I Love You' I believed her, and by that belief came my own destruction.
I wanted to know Love so much, that I was willing to believe any lie and ignore all things that told me likewise. By my own foolishness I was cursed to feel such pain.
Julius Caesar said, 'Men willingly believe what they wish.', and Love my friends, is what I've wished for my entire life. Not just the simple mundane love that so many use and abuse, but an epic love that exists beyond eternity.
The sad truth to it all though, is that Love does not exist for all eternity, until eternity comes knocking at your door, and both of you answer it.
I gave my love, and in return was given heartache, and there for the longest time I was bitter, angry, hateful, and hurt. I became a slave to my own emotions that dictated my ill begotten fate, which drove me to the brink of utter defeat. Love had knocked me down, and because of my temper I lost a friend because of it. I handled that entire situation so horribly. Yet, still I was a slave to the very emotions that linked me to her. I wanted to fix everything that had gone wrong, yet again my error, you cannot fix that which was broken for a reason. However, it wasn't until very recently that my mind began to open up with exploration of knowledge and greater wisdom.
Thanks to a dear friend of mine, Jessica, she asked the right questions, curious as ever to know my stories, and as I told her my life, she always had something positive to say about it all, which really made me realize just how much I've learned from everything and how good all the bad has been. I began to see things from a different perspective, and understand my errors, and learn from my mistakes. My mind ran wild all day and all night, seeking out wisdom and understanding. I read more books than I've ever read in my entire life, began writing more, and focusing myself into my talents. Eventually over time all that hatred, all that anger began to fade away, for it no longer held any power over me. Leaving me now with the thoughts of, 'How do I say sorry for loving you more than life?'
I lost a great friend because of my own jealousy. I said horrible things because of my hurt heart. Does this justify what she did to me? No, but that doesn't mean I'm justified in my bitterness. So for all the things that remain are the positive. You gave me a meaning of life, if even for just a moment, and I can never thank you enough for that. I'm sorry everything had to turn out the way it did. My words as empty as they may sound, but know that they're from the heart when I say, 'I'm sorry.'
The moral to the story is simply, when life knocks you down, stand back up with a greater determination to conquer it. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest, and we are the masters of our own destinies. Ambition is the fuel to the fires of fate, and will either burn hot or cold, giving life, or death. We are not all meant to do great things by the eyes of many, but by the eyes of those few we can be gods amongst mortals.
Hate and anger are the chains that bind so many, dragging them down further into the depths of chaos, drowning them. But never be afraid to feel pain, or hurt, it's what molds us into something more than what we were. Embrace those moments and take in all that you can bare and do not say, 'How can I escape this?' but rather ask, 'What can I learn from this?' We all suffer, thats life, but those that can take that suffering and turn it to their advantage shall be truly great indeed. You cannot afford to let others dictate your life and hold you back, nor can you afford to hold yourself back from the grand accomplishments that await you. Do not wait for whatever God you believe in to hand you all your dreams with a silver platter, for you shall be waiting even after time ceases to exist.
Your dreams are the motivation of individual glory, its yours, take it, and let no one dare say you cannot. For those that stand in your way, or hold you back, or hurt you, I say arise and conquer their deeds. Show them that you're free from them. Stand tall and be proud of who you are, for you; no matter your situation there is always something to learn, to experience, to become more than what you are. There is no such thing as handicap, it only exist within your own mind. There is nothing you cannot do if you set your mind and your heart to it. There is no star that is not worth reaching for. The more times you fall to achieve your dreams, the more you shall appreciate them, never give up, stand every time and keep reaching.
Joe Misrasi
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